Rise of the Micromeat League: Little Dick Superpower Episode One

Hey there, perverts! Remember all that erotica business I was talking about? Well, the first ebook story is now available here through the auspices of my new Panty Party Publishing umbrella! I  was initially gonna go through Amazon’s KDP Direct program, but they red flagged me for content (lame asses), so I went with Smashwords, since they don’t seem quite so down with the censorship, at least not yet. They might hassle me later, but the story is up for now, so go get it for the low, low price of $1.99! Also, if you’d be so kind, please follow Panty Party on Twitter, and maybe also go like the Panty Party Facebook page too, so you can get all the updates when new stories come out! Thanks!

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It’s an Undie Rumpus! It’s a Panty Party! It’s Erotica for Everyone!

‘Sup, hoary henchpersons! By now I’m sure you all have purchased your copy of The Rochdale Poltergeist, and if you haven’t, then I will have to be very, very displeased with you and may have to resort to stringent methods of punishment, which most of you are probably into, as far as I know. Anyway, it’s a good book and you should read it. Also, co-author Steve Mera and myself will be appearing on some more radio shows in the next couple of months, so I will keep you updated when those occur.

Now onto the main thrust of this post (heh)…

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Remember back in this tirade where I mentioned I was going to start writing some short erotic fiction that I was going to make available as inexpensive ebooks? Of course you do. Well, that project is slowly coming to fruition, I’m happy to say. I’m starting a separate publishing imprint, Panty Party Publishing, that I’m going to use as an umbrella for three lines of erotica that I’ll be publishing under various pseudonyms. There will be a “gods and monsters” type line, including stories about Medusa and Anubis and maybe chupacabras and shit; there will be a standard goth / fetish / “serious” line; and finally, there will be a continuing episodic series called Little Dick Superpower that will chronicle the sexily hilarious exploits of the world’s most minimally-endowed superhero. The first episode of Little Dick’s adventures, “Rise of the Micromeat League,” will be available as an ebook on Tuesday, November 24th, for the paltry sum of $2.99, with more installments to come! Please download your copy and have a big, throbbing read, won’t you? I promise I won’t tell anyone what you’re doing with the hand you’re NOT using to hold your Kindle, if you know what I mean.

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And as always, until next time, keep it creepy (and kinky), my friends.

The Rochdale Poltergeist Is Out, and Here’s a Trailer!

I know you have all been waiting on the fabled tenterhooks, so now, finally, HERE IT IS! The Rochdale Poltergeist is an account of the famous 1996 case that I wrote with the honest-to-gosh, real-life parapsychologist who investigated the case, Steve Mera, the director of the Scientific Establishment of Parapsychology (SEP) in Manchester, England. It’s available in both print and ebook formats from Amazon, so buy, read, review! And here’s a short trailer I made to whet your appetite! Happy haunting, paranormal pals!

We’re Off To See the Bald Douche: The Goddess Reviews “Yellowbrickroad”

Like the endlessly resurrected Jason Voorhees, I return once again after a short break with apologies for another absence and an itchin’ for some more horror. The reasons for my brief hiatus this time were more cookbook emergencies (which now seem to have been ironed out), and a final push to get my next book, The Rochdale Poltergeist (co-authored with parapsychologist Steve Mera), ready for publication. Keep an eye out for it in the next couple of weeks!

Casting about for today’s blog subject, I was perusing the “best horror films” of particular years on IMDB, and since I’ve done a lot of old films and have gotten woefully behind on newer horror, I thought I’d look for recommendations about some decent, underappreciated flicks from the last few years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty much an old-school horror chick all the way, but I also don’t want to turn into one of those crotchety old farts who thinks that everything new is automatically a shit burrito topped with a hot vomit salsa, you feel me? So right there on someone-or-other’s “Best Horror Movies of 2010” list was a little movie called Yellowbrickroad, which I watched on Hulu but is also available on Netflix, I believe. And hot damn, did I get lucky when I stumbled across this one, because it’s really something of an undiscovered gem that really got under my skin in a way that few movies do.

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Even though it won best film at the New York City Horror Film Festival the year it was released, and even though it has gotten some really great and in-depth analysis (such as this review right here), it mystifyingly boasts only a two-star rating on IMDB, and some of the reviewers there REALLY seemed to hate it, with the main complaints being that the ending didn’t make any sense and that it wasn’t gory/violent/scary enough. That’s a fair charge, I suppose, and I will admit that if you’re more into big scares and splashy blood and guts, then yeah, you probably won’t find much to like here. Yellowbrickroad is a very cerebral, almost abstract, film, more concerned with exploring its psychological themes and unsettling the viewer with atmosphere than with traditional horror set-pieces. Though some reviews I read compared it to The Blair Witch Project, I think a far better comparison would be to a David Lynch film, what with its surrealist bent, its copious symbolism, its stubborn ambiguity about reality, its masterful use of sound as a definitive plot element, and its utilization of The Wizard of Oz as a constant referent (as Lynch did, of course, in Wild At Heart).

In brief, the plot centers around a mysterious happening in the town of Friar, New Hampshire in 1940. Almost all of the residents of this quaint little burg, after their zillionth viewing of The Wizard of Oz in the town’s dinky little movie theater, put on their best formal duds, gathered up their record albums, and wandered off into the woods, never to be seen alive again. Some of the bodies were recovered, having died of either exposure, apparent suicide, or murder, but some were never found. Cut to the present day, where husband-and-wife writers Teddy and Melissa Barnes are setting up a small expedition to hike the same trail as the townsfolk did in order to write a book about what might have happened to them. As you might imagine, shit starts to get weird pretty quickly.

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For a fan of smart, subtle horror, there is a great deal to admire in Yellowbrickroad. It is beautifully shot and edited, and is able to generate a palpable sense of dread and tension during its entire running time, even though the bulk of it takes place in broad daylight. I love the fact that the filmmakers chose not to use the easy out of filming most of it in the dark to make it “scarier.” Further, the way the film plays with expectations and reality is really well-done; it keeps the viewer off-kilter the entire time so that the viewer’s experience mirrors that of the increasingly lost and disoriented characters. I loved the sense of displacement that escalated as the story progressed, the sense that time and space was breaking down in parallel with the characters’ mental states.

In addition, all the characters are likable and real, and we get to know them in brief strokes, with very little bullshit; most of the character development is subtle and streamlined to a line or two of dialogue. There are some funny moments (for instance, when the team’s GPS first starts to go tits-up), but these feel spontaneous and believable, and not shoehorned in as “relief” from the horror. Lastly, there is comparatively little violence and gore shown onscreen, making the few times when violence does occur intensely shocking and affecting, particularly one scene (those of you who have seen it will know what I’m talking about) that comes almost completely out of the blue and shakes the viewer as much as it does the characters.

In my opinion, the best thing about Yellowbrickroad, and the thing that seems to have caused the most contention among those who have seen it, is its ambiguity. How much of this journey is real? How much of it is imagined? Is it a dream, or a mass hallucination? Is there some supernatural force leading these characters to their destinies, or something dark inside themselves that results in their destruction? It is here where the Wizard of Oz touchstones become all the more relevant, particularly its theme of journeys ending where they began, though with perhaps a greater understanding of oneself picked up along the way. In this sense, it is significant that the trailhead in Yellowbrickroad ostensibly starts at the movie theater, and also ends there, as the entire movie seems to be a road constantly spiraling inward, toward…what? Insight? Madness? Chaos? Death? It could be read in a myriad of ways, which is an attribute many of the best films share. This theme of spiraling inward is also hinted at in the mention of the 1940 townsfolk carrying their records into the woods, a single line of dialogue by mapmaker Daryl explaining that the coordinates he’s getting seem to be spiraling inward toward an unknown center, and most obviously, by the soundtrack of spooky, 1940’s-era music and ear-piercing record scratches that almost become an antagonist of their own as they assault the characters with contextless noise that grows louder as the journey progresses toward an inevitable end.

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The most criticized aspect of the film by a mile was the ending, which many reviewers felt was inexplicable, but honestly, I thought the ending was perfect, and really the only ending it could have had, given its thematic thrust. The journey was always going to end where it began, just like in The Wizard of Oz, but in Yellowbrickroad, the insight gained by the sole survivor of the trek was far darker, almost nihilistic. This is no case of “everything I desired was right here all along,” but rather, “all of the worst things I dreaded about myself and the world are inside me, and everywhere, and inescapable.” Marry that to a profound disconnect between reality and fantasy, and a realization that to transcend one’s humdrum existence might just be equivalent to following an endlessly spiraling descent into a hell of one’s own making, and you’re left with quite a bleak filmgoing experience, and one that will stick with you and taunt you with its riddles for many days to come. Highly recommended.

Until next time, Goddess out.

Coming Soon: The Rochdale Poltergeist

Greetings, minions! It’s Friday! It’s my birthday eve! And it’s a lovely day for another reason, as well: two of the big projects I’ve been busting my ass on and stressing out over for the past several months are finally wrapping up! The first, of course, is the previously mentioned cookbook from the esteemed Vegan Black Metal Chef, which I designed in the evillest fashion I knew how. Pick up your copy in just a few short months, and craft meals to please the Vegan Satan!

The second project is the poltergeist book I’ve been working on with parapsychologist Steve Mera of MAPIT in England. Since I know how much you fuckers enjoyed my book The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist—you know, the one I wrote with the God of Hellfire, who totally saw some crazy paranormal shit when he was a teenager—I just know you’ll love this one just as much! It’s an account of the 1995 Rochdale Poltergeist case as told by Mera himself, who investigated the disturbances, and it is creepy as fuck. I’m shooting for having the print book out before Halloween, with an ebook version to follow shortly afterward. Be on the lookout!

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And now that these projects are completed, I can get back to my regular blog postings and some new writing projects I want to get into! I’ll be updating everyone on these as they happen, of course, so keep reading and following. Until next time, Goddess out.

Scary Silents: Some Modern Short Silents

Yes, I have returned at long last! Did y’all miss me? Of course you did. Again, sorry I was away for so long; it’s just that I was up to my ass-crack in design work, trying to finish up the Vegan Black Metal Chef’s rad cookbook (which made $70,000 on Kickstarter, because the internet is an awesome place sometimes). But now that’s mostly been squared away (and of course I will post the link when the book is available on Amazon), so I am returning to my patented horror ramblings (and the crowd goes wild. Yay).

I was planning to do something with my Scary Silents series, but I also wanted to write something I could cross-post in some of the other categories, just so I could feel like I was killing a couple hobos with one brick, as it were. So what I decided to do was browse YouTube for some modern, black and white, silent short films (as I did for my previous post on 1991’s Begotten) and give some of those a gander to see what people of the 21st century were doing with the silent film aesthetic. There are a few good ones floating around out there, and these were the best ones I came across, so let’s get right to it, shall we?

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Directed, photographed, and edited by Tony Falcon

This one didn’t have an actual title on the video itself, but the film title came up at the end. Maybe they didn’t want to spoil what the movie was about before you watched it? If that was the case, I guess I just spoiled it, so sorry about that. But even if you know the title, this is still really nicely done, beautifully filmed, with some pretty shocking, gross imagery. It’s only a little over four minutes long, but still makes quite an impact. Disturbing in the best way.

The House In Spain
Directed by Chris Hyde

I liked this one a great deal, because it had a lot of that “horror out of the corner of your eye” thing that I dig so much. Main character Jay has flown to his father’s house in Spain after his father ostensibly committed suicide, but it turns out that the death wasn’t quite as self-inflicted as it appeared. Eerie, subtle, and effective; give it a watch if you’re into the Paranormal Activity type vibe.

Witcher
Written and directed by Neil Westwood

This one was pretty straightforward and more atmosphere than plot, but still looked great; the imagery actually reminded me of the aforementioned Begotten a bit, as well as the infamous Häxan. A photographer out in the woods stumbles across a gift box with a note reading, “Do Not Open,” which of course he disregards, much to his eternal chagrin. I think. Props for nice use of a plague doctor getup.

The Unfortunate
Written and directed by Travis Dahlhauser

A decent quasi-homage to Psycho, about a burglar who REALLY breaks into the wrong house. The first half is a nice slow burn, though I thought the use of Bernard Herrmann’s famous “slashing violins” score was a tad over the top. Great little short, though, and pretty impressive that it was made entirely by one guy, and that every scene was done in one take.

Hopefully I will be back to posting on this blog as regularly as I did before, so stay tuned, and until next time, Goddess out.

Cooking with the Devil

YES, I’m still alive, minions, I have just been so busy that my blog posts have temporarily fallen by the wayside. I’m hoping to at least get a Scary Silents squeezed in the next day or two, so please be patient. While you wait, right here is the thing that’s been taking up all my time: Remember in one of my last posts I mentioned my friend The Vegan Black Metal Chef and how I am designing his cookbook (which will be titled The Seitanic Spellbook and will contain dozens and dozens of easy, yummy, vegan recipes)? Well, the deadline to send this tome to the printer is less than a month away, so I have been working my little Goddess fingers off, trying to get it just as evil and perfect as it can be. As I also mentioned before, there is a Kickstarter campaign to fund the printing, and even though it has already been fully funded (and then some!), any extra funds go toward printing even more copies for all of his eager fans! Seriously, the VBMC is an awesome guy and this cookbook is gonna be totally epic, so if you’d like to help him out, I would really appreciate it. Thank you, and keep it creepy, my friends! \m/

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