WHY, 2016? Why you gotta start out this way? Honestly, fuck everything today. Rest In Peace, you magnificent fuckers. đŚ


WHY, 2016? Why you gotta start out this way? Honestly, fuck everything today. Rest In Peace, you magnificent fuckers. đŚ


The latest story in Panty Party’s Tryst Sinister line, “Silk Widow,” is now available for the low price of $1.99! If you’re into hair bondage or getting sucked dry by giant spider women, then this here’s your jam. And don’t forget to follow Panty Party on Twitter and like it on Facebook! Thanks ever so much, minions.

Hey there, perverts! I hope everyone had a good holiday, however you celebrated. I told you that after all the Christmas craziness was over, I would be getting back to posting more erotica stories, so here’s my latest one. It’s in a new line called Monsters & Myth, and it’s the touching story of a hideous Gorgon and her seduction of the man who comes to behead her, and it’s called “Head of the Gorgon,” available from Smashwords for the low, low price of $1.99! Please download and read at your leisure, and don’t forget to follow Panty Party on Twitter and Facebook for more updates!

However you horror-loving motherfuckers are celebrating, be sure to be safe, have fun, and keep it creepy. There will be more updates and goodies after the holidays!

Ahhh, the Seventies. What a time to be a kid! I realize this is ever-so-slightly off the subjects I usually discuss on here, but this Pictorial post about rad toys from bygone days got me feeling all nostalgic, and since Iâve already written a post about scary books I loved as a child, I thought, why not expand on that a little? Because as much as I adored my ghost stories and Alfred Hitchcock anthologies, the creepy-ass toys I played with as a little goth nugget were probably just as pivotal in turning me into the horror behemoth you behold before you today. So here we are: the Goddessâs list of her favorite horror-related toys from her formative years!
Weeble Haunted House

This was probably my very favorite toy growing up. I still have a picture of four-year-old me playing with it, along with my toddler brother, in our painfully 70âs-looking living room (complete with mustard-hued beanbag chair). The haunted house opened up like a dollhouse! The front door creaked when you opened it! There were secret passages! There was a little Weeble ghost that glowed in the dark and a Weeble witch with a teeny plastic witch hat! There were two frightened little Weeble people who JUST COULDN’T EVEN. If loving this toy is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Mystery Mansion Game


I donât remember the exact rules of this game, but basically, it came with all these little boxlike ârooms,â and you assembled the mansion as you played. There were rules to the mansion assembly, of course, like the rooms had to line up by their doorways, and you couldnât have a room with a window facing into another room (so the above picture, with the rooms all willy-nilly and the music room’s window facing the boiler room’s wall, WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED, YOU GUYS, GET IT RIGHT).* I think you had to be the first to capture three of the little treasure chests and get back out of the house. The artwork of the rooms was really nice and very realistic, perspective-wise, and I seem to recall that most of the time we didnât even bother playing the game, because obviously the funnest part was assembling the mansion in lots of different configurations. I totally wanted this to be my real house when I was a kid. Look how spacious and tastefully decorated it is!
Play Doh Haunted House

I would occasionally get all fancy with this and attempt to make multi-colored witches and mummies with the Play-Doh, though I canât remember how well all of that worked out. And while I did have this exact Play-Doh set with this particular haunted house plastic mat, itâs really bugging me because Iâm sure I also had a plastic mat that looked like a mad scientistâs lab that either came with this set or that I used with these particular Play-Doh molds. But I canât find a picture of it on Google and itâs kinda driving me crazy.
Stretch Monster

A monstery variation on Stretch Armstrong, with a healthy helping of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I actually recall the monster being a darker green than this and having a smoother head, but that must be just my faulty memory. One thing I do remember, though, is that if you and your little brother played with it enough, eventually it would get a hole in it and the stretchy stuff inside would begin to seep out, and that stuff had the same consistency and smell as maple syrup. Hmm.
Creepy Crawlers

Goes without saying, really. Who didnât love this thing? You could make creepy bugs and worms with it, and there was always the alluring possibility that you might burn yourself (which is the same reason I also loved the Flower Thingmaker, and that smelting plant-type thing where you could melt down your crayons and make swirly, multicolored Hot Wheels cars).
Shogun Warriors Godzilla

Clunky and not that exciting by todayâs standards, but nevertheless, kid-me was entranced that you could roll your âzilla around on the floor and flick out his fire-tongue while shooting at your siblings with the monsterâs detachable action fist!
Mad Scientist Dissect-An-Alien (1980’s)


A bit of a cheat, as I was slightly older when this came out, but you can bet your ass I played with it when my little brother got one. You filled the alienâs body cavity up with glowing slime and tried to cram all his little innards in there before âstitchingâ him back up. I donât recall that we EVER got all of his plastic guts to fit in there with the slime inside. Maybe we just got overzealous with the goop, which totally sounds like something we would do.
Mighty Men & Monster Maker

A more âboy-centricâ version of Fashion Plates (which I also had and enjoyed), this one used plastic grave-rubbing technology to let you make cool hybrid superheroes and creatures, even if you couldnât draw a lick. Then you could color them with the included colored pencils! Fuck yeah, Iâm drawing a green, muscle-bound superhero with werewolf legs, AND YOU CANâT STOP ME, GODDAMMIT.
Crossbows and Catapults

More fantasy-based than horror-based, but Iâm including it because it was kinda medieval, and also fun as fuck. Me and my younger brother usually set up our citadels a few feet apart on our grandmotherâs kitchen floor, and then went to town trying to take down each otherâs settlements. The only downside was having to track down all the tiny projectiles after the carnage was complete. Most of them are probably STILL under a refrigerator somewhere.
Which Witch?


I had totally forgotten about this game until I was researching this post and came across a photo of it. Holy CRAP, all the nostalgia feels came flooding back. I LOVED THIS THING. I canât remember how you played exactly, but I think you just had to get through the haunted mansion on the little footsteps, and bad shit happened to you if you got stuck on one of the red DANGER spots. Some of the cardboard pieces were movable, I remember that, and there was something about a clock? I also love that the game pieces were wee little different-colored mice. I specifically had the version of the game pictured, which came out in 1970 (I was born in 1972, so maybe my parents got this second-hand), but in 1971, basically the same game was released in a different box under the name Haunted House.
And thatâs all the fun for today, minions. Go play with your Aurora model kits and your Monster Machines, and remember to keep it creepy, my friends. Goddess out.
*ETA:  Okay, I see now that I was a little too hasty in my OCD condemnation of the Mystery Mansion layout. The music room is a two-story room, and there is indeed a plastic set of stairs leading from its door down to the door of the room beside it, making this room placement totally legit. My apologies, mysterious Mystery Mansion layer-outer.
Part two of the continuing saga of Little Dick Superpower is now available to purchase for the low, low price of $1.99!

Yep, I’m just plugging along at this erotica thing. Here is my latest title, a sorta horror / BDSM / Satanic cult type story called “Wicked Seed,” which is part of my erotic horror Panty Party line, Tryst Sinister. Dowload today for only $1.99 and keep an eye out for new titles!

Hey there, perverts! Remember all that erotica business I was talking about? Well, the first ebook story is now available here through the auspices of my new Panty Party Publishing umbrella! I Â was initially gonna go through Amazon’s KDP Direct program, but they red flagged me for content (lame asses), so I went with Smashwords, since they don’t seem quite so down with the censorship, at least not yet. They might hassle me later, but the story is up for now, so go get it for the low, low price of $1.99! Also, if you’d be so kind, please follow Panty Party on Twitter, and maybe also go like the Panty Party Facebook page too, so you can get all the updates when new stories come out! Thanks!

âSup, hoary henchpersons! By now Iâm sure you all have purchased your copy of The Rochdale Poltergeist, and if you havenât, then I will have to be very, very displeased with you and may have to resort to stringent methods of punishment, which most of you are probably into, as far as I know. Anyway, itâs a good book and you should read it. Also, co-author Steve Mera and myself will be appearing on some more radio shows in the next couple of months, so I will keep you updated when those occur.
Now onto the main thrust of this post (heh)âŚ

Remember back in this tirade where I mentioned I was going to start writing some short erotic fiction that I was going to make available as inexpensive ebooks? Of course you do. Well, that project is slowly coming to fruition, Iâm happy to say. Iâm starting a separate publishing imprint, Panty Party Publishing, that Iâm going to use as an umbrella for three lines of erotica that Iâll be publishing under various pseudonyms. There will be a âgods and monstersâ type line, including stories about Medusa and Anubis and maybe chupacabras and shit; there will be a standard goth / fetish / âseriousâ line; and finally, there will be a continuing episodic series called Little Dick Superpower that will chronicle the sexily hilarious exploits of the worldâs most minimally-endowed superhero. The first episode of Little Dick’s adventures, âRise of the Micromeat League,â will be available as an ebook on Tuesday, November 24th, for the paltry sum of $2.99, with more installments to come! Please download your copy and have a big, throbbing read, wonât you? I promise I wonât tell anyone what youâre doing with the hand youâre NOT using to hold your Kindle, if you know what I mean.

And as always, until next time, keep it creepy (and kinky), my friends.
Like the endlessly resurrected Jason Voorhees, I return once again after a short break with apologies for another absence and an itchinâ for some more horror. The reasons for my brief hiatus this time were more cookbook emergencies (which now seem to have been ironed out), and a final push to get my next book, The Rochdale Poltergeist (co-authored with parapsychologist Steve Mera), ready for publication. Keep an eye out for it in the next couple of weeks!
Casting about for todayâs blog subject, I was perusing the âbest horror filmsâ of particular years on IMDB, and since Iâve done a lot of old films and have gotten woefully behind on newer horror, I thought Iâd look for recommendations about some decent, underappreciated flicks from the last few years. Donât get me wrong, Iâm pretty much an old-school horror chick all the way, but I also donât want to turn into one of those crotchety old farts who thinks that everything new is automatically a shit burrito topped with a hot vomit salsa, you feel me? So right there on someone-or-otherâs âBest Horror Movies of 2010â list was a little movie called Yellowbrickroad, which I watched on Hulu but is also available on Netflix, I believe. And hot damn, did I get lucky when I stumbled across this one, because itâs really something of an undiscovered gem that really got under my skin in a way that few movies do.
Even though it won best film at the New York City Horror Film Festival the year it was released, and even though it has gotten some really great and in-depth analysis (such as this review right here), it mystifyingly boasts only a two-star rating on IMDB, and some of the reviewers there REALLY seemed to hate it, with the main complaints being that the ending didnât make any sense and that it wasnât gory/violent/scary enough. Thatâs a fair charge, I suppose, and I will admit that if youâre more into big scares and splashy blood and guts, then yeah, you probably wonât find much to like here. Yellowbrickroad is a very cerebral, almost abstract, film, more concerned with exploring its psychological themes and unsettling the viewer with atmosphere than with traditional horror set-pieces. Though some reviews I read compared it to The Blair Witch Project, I think a far better comparison would be to a David Lynch film, what with its surrealist bent, its copious symbolism, its stubborn ambiguity about reality, its masterful use of sound as a definitive plot element, and its utilization of The Wizard of Oz as a constant referent (as Lynch did, of course, in Wild At Heart).
In brief, the plot centers around a mysterious happening in the town of Friar, New Hampshire in 1940. Almost all of the residents of this quaint little burg, after their zillionth viewing of The Wizard of Oz in the townâs dinky little movie theater, put on their best formal duds, gathered up their record albums, and wandered off into the woods, never to be seen alive again. Some of the bodies were recovered, having died of either exposure, apparent suicide, or murder, but some were never found. Cut to the present day, where husband-and-wife writers Teddy and Melissa Barnes are setting up a small expedition to hike the same trail as the townsfolk did in order to write a book about what might have happened to them. As you might imagine, shit starts to get weird pretty quickly.
For a fan of smart, subtle horror, there is a great deal to admire in Yellowbrickroad. It is beautifully shot and edited, and is able to generate a palpable sense of dread and tension during its entire running time, even though the bulk of it takes place in broad daylight. I love the fact that the filmmakers chose not to use the easy out of filming most of it in the dark to make it âscarier.â Further, the way the film plays with expectations and reality is really well-done; it keeps the viewer off-kilter the entire time so that the viewerâs experience mirrors that of the increasingly lost and disoriented characters. I loved the sense of displacement that escalated as the story progressed, the sense that time and space was breaking down in parallel with the charactersâ mental states.
In addition, all the characters are likable and real, and we get to know them in brief strokes, with very little bullshit; most of the character development is subtle and streamlined to a line or two of dialogue. There are some funny moments (for instance, when the teamâs GPS first starts to go tits-up), but these feel spontaneous and believable, and not shoehorned in as âreliefâ from the horror. Lastly, there is comparatively little violence and gore shown onscreen, making the few times when violence does occur intensely shocking and affecting, particularly one scene (those of you who have seen it will know what Iâm talking about) that comes almost completely out of the blue and shakes the viewer as much as it does the characters.
In my opinion, the best thing about Yellowbrickroad, and the thing that seems to have caused the most contention among those who have seen it, is its ambiguity. How much of this journey is real? How much of it is imagined? Is it a dream, or a mass hallucination? Is there some supernatural force leading these characters to their destinies, or something dark inside themselves that results in their destruction? It is here where the Wizard of Oz touchstones become all the more relevant, particularly its theme of journeys ending where they began, though with perhaps a greater understanding of oneself picked up along the way. In this sense, it is significant that the trailhead in Yellowbrickroad ostensibly starts at the movie theater, and also ends there, as the entire movie seems to be a road constantly spiraling inward, towardâŚwhat? Insight? Madness? Chaos? Death? It could be read in a myriad of ways, which is an attribute many of the best films share. This theme of spiraling inward is also hinted at in the mention of the 1940 townsfolk carrying their records into the woods, a single line of dialogue by mapmaker Daryl explaining that the coordinates heâs getting seem to be spiraling inward toward an unknown center, and most obviously, by the soundtrack of spooky, 1940âs-era music and ear-piercing record scratches that almost become an antagonist of their own as they assault the characters with contextless noise that grows louder as the journey progresses toward an inevitable end.
The most criticized aspect of the film by a mile was the ending, which many reviewers felt was inexplicable, but honestly, I thought the ending was perfect, and really the only ending it could have had, given its thematic thrust. The journey was always going to end where it began, just like in The Wizard of Oz, but in Yellowbrickroad, the insight gained by the sole survivor of the trek was far darker, almost nihilistic. This is no case of âeverything I desired was right here all along,â but rather, âall of the worst things I dreaded about myself and the world are inside me, and everywhere, and inescapable.â Marry that to a profound disconnect between reality and fantasy, and a realization that to transcend oneâs humdrum existence might just be equivalent to following an endlessly spiraling descent into a hell of oneâs own making, and youâre left with quite a bleak filmgoing experience, and one that will stick with you and taunt you with its riddles for many days to come. Highly recommended.
Until next time, Goddess out.