Our “Beyond the White Noise” Show!

Here’s the show we were on last night if you missed us! This was a super fun show to do; the guys were really funny and chill. Enjoy, and subscribe to Beyond the White Noise Paranormal on YouTube!

And FYI, we don’t actually look like a single white Fisher-Price person on a pale blue background; seems the visual feed of us from Google+ kinda shit the bed (maybe poltergeist forces prevented us from appearing on video, haha), but you can hear us just fine, and you bitches probably know what we look like anyway.

This and this, respectively.

This and this, respectively.

“The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist” is now on Kindle!

Yes, minions, despite my crotchety old person ways, I actually got off my lazy duff and (sloppily) formatted The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist for Kindle! It’s on sale for $2.99, so if you were waiting for an ebook version, TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY! Ebook versions of my other books that don’t yet have them will also be forthcoming in the next few weeks, so if the book-type technology was the only thing keeping you from reading my exalted words, now you no longer have an excuse. Download, read, review! Thank you, and Goddess out.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00060]

An AMAZING Review of “The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist!”

Greetings, paranormal pals! I know you are all on tenterhooks to hear the radio program that the God of Hellfire and I hopefully didn’t make fools of ourselves on, but be patient; the audio file will be forthcoming today or tomorrow. To whet your appetite, check this out right here! UK paranormal magazine Phenomena contains an almost embarrassingly glowing review of our little poltergeist book, written by distinguished British parapsychologist and all-around awesome guy Steve Mera. He has been investigating paranormal phenomena for over thirty years, and I am tremendously humbled and intensely thrilled that he enjoyed our book so much and has put the weight of his professional expertise into recognizing it! You will likely be seeing some more activity involving us and Steve Mera in the future, though I’m keeping that on the down-low for now until everything is a bit further along. The GoH and I may also have a SUPER exciting announcement about The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist coming very soon; I won’t go into too many details, but television is involved. Sorry to be so secretive, beloved minions, but I like to have everything squared away before I go shooting my mouth off about it; I’m sure you guys understand. So read the new issue of Phenomena, stay tuned to listen to our radio show, and keep your eyes peeled for exciting new developments!

PhenomenaCover

“The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist” Is Hungry for Reviews!

GoWindowPic

Have you purchased your copy of The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist yet? If not, GET ON THAT SHIT. If you have, and you enjoyed it, please curry the favor of the Goddess and God of Hellfire by writing us a sparkling review on Amazon, if you’d be so kind. We’d really like to have a bunch of reviews up before our first radio show on April 28th! It doesn’t have to be a long review, but we would really appreciate it! If you don’t, I can’t guarantee that The Blost won’t get you, so you know, better safe than sorry. Thanks in advance.

Excerpt from “The Mammoth Mountain Poltergeist”

If you like the excerpt below, please purchase the book here or here. Also remember that the God of Hellfire and I will be appearing on Jim Harold’s The Other Side podcast on April 28th at noon. We’re also scheduled on the KTPF (Keeping the Paranormal Friendly) Community Talk Show on August 9th, and another excerpt of the book will be published in their online magazine soon. Thanks for reading!

HotelGhost

Wes went to bed earlier than the rest of them, retreating into his room and closing the door. Even though he didn’t mention anything about feeling uneasy in the house, he was very tired, and his parents noticed he was acting a little lethargic, as though he was coming down with something. Lois suspected elevation sickness. After a short while, Lois and Red went quietly into Wes’s room to check on him.

They found him in bed, lying on his back with his arms crossed in an X on his chest, and his legs straight and stiff. He was deathly pale, and his breathing was so shallow that at first they thought he was dead. Alarmed, Lois shook him. He stirred, but didn’t wake. Lois and Red stayed in the room for a time, keeping an eye on the boy.

“There was an uncomfortable feeling in that room,” Lois says, comparing the sensation to one of being constantly observed from every direction. The room, like the bunk bed room earlier, was also intensely cold.

Despite the oppressive atmosphere, Lois and Red stayed with Wes until it appeared that he was sleeping normally. “When we left his room,” Lois says, “we saw a white washcloth folded in thirds on the inside doorknob. We wondered who had put it there. It seemed so random.” Not thinking much of it, they went upstairs to bed themselves.

Later that night, Tom went into his ground-floor bedroom alone. The room was very dark. The snow outside the windows had intensified, and all the roads leading up to Mammoth Mountain had now closed. Just like in The Shining, the family was trapped, for all intents and purposes.

****

As he lay in the darkness, waiting for sleep, Tom heard a soft jingling sound, as if the empty wire hangers in the closet had brushed together in a gentle breeze. The sound made him nervous, but just as he had earlier with the mysteriously strewn clothing, he tried to explain it away. “It was just the wind,” he thought, though he admitted to himself that he didn’t know how a wind could have blown the hangers together when the closet door was closed. Still, the sound was just vague enough that he could safely attribute it to a stray draft.

But moments later, there came a more sinister sound: a faint, whispering shuffle, as of something sliding very slowly across the deep-pile carpet. It seemed to be coming from the direction of the closet, moving stealthily along the foot of the bed and coming around the side away from where Tom was lying. “It didn’t sound like footsteps, so I’m not sure if I originally thought it was a person,” he says. “It was just a sliding or dragging sort of noise, as though someone was pushing something heavy across the carpet. I just closed my eyes and pulled the blankets around me when I heard it. I was too scared to turn and look.”

On the nightstand opposite the side of the bed he was sleeping on, there was a rotary-dial phone with clear buttons across the bottom, of the type that often appeared in offices and hotel rooms in the late seventies and early eighties. The sliding noise had stopped, and now there seemed to be something stirring near the phone.

From his position on the opposite side of the bed, Tom heard, very distinctly, the receiver of the phone lift a very short distance off the hook. Then there was the sound of the receiver scraping softly against the plastic body of the phone, as though someone had curled the receiver in their hand, slightly toward themselves. The receiver then settled slowly back onto the hook with a decisive click.

Tom squeezed his eyes more tightly closed, unwilling to turn his head toward the source of the sounds. What if someone was standing there at the side of his bed, hand on the phone, mere feet away from where he was trying to sleep? What would he do then?

After several anguished seconds of silence, he mustered up enough courage to turn and peer through the darkness at the phone on the nightstand.

Of course, no one was there.